Thursday, November 6, 2014

The Middle of the Bed

After years of sleeping on my side of the bed, it's an unknown space on the other side.  I still find myself not crossing the invisible line.  A king bed is really big when you are in it alone.  I have been trying to mosey over to the middle.  It's kinda freeing. I can thrash around in the bed and there is no one on the other side.  I don't have anyone to put my cold feet on or snuggle with.  Two things I loved to do.

It was kind of our nightly thing.  My feet are always cold, and husband's body like a heat box.  So putting my cold feet on him was twofold.  Warned me up and cooled him off.  One night laying there he crawled in the bed.  We had a normal day.  Pretty good. I put my feet on him, like a billion times before and he got mad.  Not raging but snippy.  My feelings were crushed.  It was my way of flirting with my husband even in late at night.  I stopped doing it.  One night he mentioned how he missed my feet on him.  I shared with him how he reacted.  Because clearly he had forgotten.  He just blew it off. I told him never again and I know he was sorry but that ritual was over.

The same thing happened with the snuggling.  I always wake up first.  I would snuggle into to him.  Not always for sex but for the human touch, the closeness.  The last time I did it, he got grumpy and was mad because I disrupted the covers off him.  Now I know he was sleeping and warm and I cause an upheaval.  I knew on that occasion we had problems.  The distance between couldn't be moved.  I craved his touch, his warmth and to be close to him.  He didn't want it.

So for now, I am rediscovering the middle of the bed.

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