After years of sleeping on my side of the bed, it's an unknown space on the other side. I still find myself not crossing the invisible line. A king bed is really big when you are in it alone. I have been trying to mosey over to the middle. It's kinda freeing. I can thrash around in the bed and there is no one on the other side. I don't have anyone to put my cold feet on or snuggle with. Two things I loved to do.
It was kind of our nightly thing. My feet are always cold, and husband's body like a heat box. So putting my cold feet on him was twofold. Warned me up and cooled him off. One night laying there he crawled in the bed. We had a normal day. Pretty good. I put my feet on him, like a billion times before and he got mad. Not raging but snippy. My feelings were crushed. It was my way of flirting with my husband even in late at night. I stopped doing it. One night he mentioned how he missed my feet on him. I shared with him how he reacted. Because clearly he had forgotten. He just blew it off. I told him never again and I know he was sorry but that ritual was over.
The same thing happened with the snuggling. I always wake up first. I would snuggle into to him. Not always for sex but for the human touch, the closeness. The last time I did it, he got grumpy and was mad because I disrupted the covers off him. Now I know he was sleeping and warm and I cause an upheaval. I knew on that occasion we had problems. The distance between couldn't be moved. I craved his touch, his warmth and to be close to him. He didn't want it.
So for now, I am rediscovering the middle of the bed.