Monday, November 17, 2014

Gifts of Guilty Pleasure

Once I told the man that I loved so long, I wanted a divorce, he started paying attention.  Buying the boots I had wanted in the right size and color.  He bought me a spa day.  He bought me a gift card to my favorite little store.  I mean come on, years and years, birthdays, Christmases, it was always a chore to buy me a heart felt present.  Boom, now he knows my shoe size and favorites.  I cannot tell you how frustrating this is.  I would get so excited every occasion, this is the year.  He is going to buy me an incredible gift.  With out help or prompting, he couldn't do it.

What is it then?  He just didn't care prior? Too caught up in me or him? I just don't understand.  Years when I was happy to be getting gifts from a man that loves me but nothing to sing about.  We even stopped celebrating Valentine's Day.  I didn't want the oh crap I forgot flowers or the on my way home card.  So sad.  Just put some thought and love into it.  I could store up little gift ideas all year long for my family and friends.  It does help that I forget nothing but still PAY ATTENTION.

I guess that is the kick in the pants.  See me, hear me, love me.  When we were young and had no money the little gifts were great but as you grow and get comfortable the gifts should grow along with the relationship.  Not about money either.  Putting me first not you in a panic.  I wanted this for so long.  I would give ideas and hints or flat out say I want that.  Very few times it was heard.  But now, he decides to dig up what he knows about me and what he has heard me talk about.  Not only buy me gifts but for no reason.

And so my therapist asks me "what do you want to do with the gifts?"  I want the presents.  I want to go to the spa.  I want to wear those new boots.  I want to spend the gift cards.  Spoiled? Bratty?  I like to think a lot of missed opportunity and reward for waiting for these gifts.  So yes, gifts of guilty pleasure.

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