Thursday, December 4, 2014

There is No More Us

I feel sorry for this man.  I keep telling him no more us.  I do not want to be married to you anymore. He takes it.  Gets upset. And then a few days later, he is asking me again.

It's sad how two people who once had this fierce love, can grow miles apart.  I stood in my marriage so many years to keep it going, to make us happy, to raise our family together.  I wanted this marriage very badly.  I struggled through being broke, being moved, working two jobs.  I loved this man.  He is a good man.  He will make someone very happy, just not me.  Already tried that.  He struggles with past family issues, depression.  He wants to be good but he can't get past the anger.  I have been in therapy for years with him.  He won't heal with me.

I made this leap of faith.  Eyes closed and heart open.  I want a new life.  A happy life.  I want him to be happy in his new life, too.  Kate told me to keep moving forward.  To do what I have always done, take care of things.  No one but me will get things done.  It's hard to live in today.  The past is my history, my pain, my love, my life.  The lines get blurry between the sad and the happy.  I would take the happy all day and all life long.   I know I need to let it go.  I know there is no more us.

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