Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Trying to Move Forward

Most days I am not so much of a mess.  Lately, I feel like I am just controlled chaos. Let me give you the brief overview of how I got into the mess I am in.  And mind you, not all messes are bad.  Years ago, a 20 year old girl fell hard in love and got married to a hunky 21 year boy.  And yes we were a girl and a boy.  Not a woman or a man.  Just babies who wanted to be married.  I wanted to get married because I was happy and in love.  I think husband wanted to be married because he didn't want to be alone.  I mean he loves me as fiercely as he can.  And some days that love was breathtaking and some days, too many, heartbreaking.  Not even knowing how to navigate, such a relationship.  I dug in for better or for worse right?  I knew I could love and smile enough for both of us.  Through 20 plus years, 3 kids, bouts of depressions and obsessions, I have had enough.  I wanted peace and to find myself.

Interestingly, I found a Medium. Yes, a psychic.  It was outside of my conventional box.  I was struggling and something had to change.  I had tried it all.  Therapy, tears, beers, exercise, friends and I was spinning in place.

This is my story of a real marriage.  Up and down, happy and sad.  Broken and trying to put it all back together.  I needed to find myself, improve myself and my life.  I want to share my path of how I am reconnecting with myself and my life.

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