Most days I am not so much of a mess. Lately, I feel like I am just controlled chaos. Let me give you the brief overview of how I got into the mess I am in. And mind you, not all messes are bad. Years ago, a 20 year old girl fell hard in love and got married to a hunky 21 year boy. And yes we were a girl and a boy. Not a woman or a man. Just babies who wanted to be married. I wanted to get married because I was happy and in love. I think husband wanted to be married because he didn't want to be alone. I mean he loves me as fiercely as he can. And some days that love was breathtaking and some days, too many, heartbreaking. Not even knowing how to navigate, such a relationship. I dug in for better or for worse right? I knew I could love and smile enough for both of us. Through 20 plus years, 3 kids, bouts of depressions and obsessions, I have had enough. I wanted peace and to find myself.
Interestingly, I found a Medium. Yes, a psychic. It was outside of my conventional box. I was struggling and something had to change. I had tried it all. Therapy, tears, beers, exercise, friends and I was spinning in place.
This is my story of a real marriage. Up and down, happy and sad. Broken and trying to put it all back together. I needed to find myself, improve myself and my life. I want to share my path of how I am reconnecting with myself and my life.